


Witness

by Scouts_Mockingbird



Series: Witness [1]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Nextdoor Neighbors AU, Teenaged Angst Bullshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-20 01:39:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11910537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scouts_Mockingbird/pseuds/Scouts_Mockingbird
Summary: Veronica is interested in the new kid next door.  He looks cool and mysterious, and she's dying to know more about him.JD is immediately intrigued by the girl who lives next door, so much so that he might even be willing to let her in to witness his life.





	1. Moving In

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first intentional multi-chapter fic! The idea was somewhat inspired by Window by Nyanyoz, but I plan to take it in a different direction, so they aren't too similar. I hope you enjoy!

The new house was surprisingly well furnished. The frequent moves meant that the Deans had whittled their belongings down to a few boxes for each room and no large furniture. JD had learned that realtors’ definitions of “furnished” could vary greatly. One supposedly “furnished” house had had only a twin mattress and a toaster. They hadn’t stayed long enough to add to it much, and JD had slept on the floor. This one had a couch and a couple chairs, and his room had a bed. There wasn’t a dining table anywhere but he was used to eating standing up anyway.

“Hey Pop, I need your help with the last couple boxes!” Bud Dean called up the stairs. JD rolled his eyes at the stupid joke, keenly aware of how weird it was. He headed down to the front lawn, looking over the neighborhood _._ He groaned inwardly, noticing that some of the neighbors were not-so-subtly checking out the new people. He hated this. He hated that every time, someone would come up to the house to introduce themselves and Bud would say something exactly off-putting enough to keep everyone else away. JD’s dad did not like other people poking around in their lives; he called them “nosy witnesses”.

JD noticed a twitch in the curtains in the second floor window of the house right next to his. He flinched. Even the small movement in his periphery was enough to trigger the bad memories. A library in Texas. His mother waving. That was the last time he had gone to witness one of his fathers demolitions.

Shaking off the dark thoughts, he grabbed two of his boxes. They would go in his room and probably never be unpacked. These two boxes contained everything he owned. His clothes in one, his books and shoes in the second, and his bedding in the last. That was all he had.

When he returned to retrieve his third box, there was an expensive looking jeep parked in front of the house next door. In it, JD could see three teenaged girls each strikingly pretty and perfectly made up. The appeared to be impatiently awaiting the arrival of a fourth. She came darting out of the house shortly after. He couldn’t see her clearly, but he could tell she was short and dark haired. Any details of her features would be hard to discern without starting blatantly. Once she was in, the car tore off down the road at a speed that was definitely illegal.

Inside, his dad was lounging on a chair in the living room. “Did you see the babes outside?” He asked “maybe they go to your school, you could get lucky.” The statement made JD feel vaguely ill for a lot of reasons, so he just ignored the man and went to his room.

JD spent the evening reading, but none of his usual favorites were able to hold his interest. _The Catcher in the Rye_ was too whiny and _The Stranger_ too detached. Eventually he gave up and started to pace his room. He finally resolved to get out of the house for a bit and find the nearest 7/11. At least he could get his slushie fix before another fucking first day of school.

Despite the fact that he’d never been anywhere close to Sherwood, Ohio, the 7/11 was familiar. The fluorescent lights illuminated a bored clerk and aisle after aisle of snacks and drinks. He could have stayed for hours to revel in that familiarity but decided to leave in the hopes of getting a half decent night’s sleep before his eleventh first day of high school.

When he pulled into his driveway, the neighbor girl had just been dropped off. She looked over and waved. “Nice bike!” She gave a small laugh and went inside before he could come up with something to say.

He saw her again once he got to his room. She was sitting at a desk facing out her window, which was directly across from his. It looked like she was writing something, and she was deeply engrossed in whatever it was. He watched her for a while, knowing it was creepy, but unwilling to look away. She made faces as she wrote, as if she were acting it out in her head. Whatever she was writing about clearly pissed her off to no end. It was hilarious.

She looked up, and caught him laughing at her. He turned away quickly, but probably too late for her to think he wasn’t an enormous creep. With a deep sigh he closed his curtains and went to bed. It shouldn’t bother him that she would think he was a stalker. He shouldn’t care what anyone thought about him, but he wanted this girl to like him for some reason. He liked the faces she made, and he wanted to know what she was writing about. Maybe tomorrow he could apologize, have an actual conversation with her, and learn her name.

 

 

 _Dear Diary_ ,

            _Unsurprisingly, Heather C continues to be an enormous pain. I went shopping with the Heathers tonight and if she had made one more snide comment about my hips I would have punched her. Sadly, violence isn’t really my style and I don’t know how to hit someone without breaking my hand. The other two don’t make much of an effort with me either. Duke asked me three times if I would consider dying my hair because I was “too bland”. MacNamara spent the whole night tittering inanely at everything the other two said, without contributing any of her own thoughts. I’m starting to wonder if she even has thoughts. God, that sounded bitchy.   I guess I’m just so angry because I thought joining the Heathers would make me above all the ridicule and harassment, but instead now there’s even more ridicule, and all of it from Heather herself. Still, it has its advantages. Shopping tonight was something else. They just kept buying me stuff, which was pretty cool. Although it looks like I’m only allowed to wear blue from here on in. At least I got a decent color._

_Okay, not sure what to think about the new kid next door. When I looked up he was staring through his window, AT ME. I mean, he looked away as soon as I saw him but who knows how long he was watching me. He at least looked a little embarrassed that I witnessed his staring. I have to admit I hope he isn’t a creep, because he is really good looking, and he has a cool motorcycle. He looks like the exact type of cool guy that doesn’t belong in Sherwood, and in my book that’s not a bad thing at all._

_Veronica_


	2. Trading Stares

High school number eleven was exactly like high schools one through ten. JD looked around the halls and tried to pick out some difference. Just one thing that made this school unique. He didn’t find one. His schedule was the same bullshit as usual, and the students appeared to be the same mix of four basic Breakfast Club types.

He continued observing his new classmates, not sure what he was looking for until he saw her. She was wearing blue again, and he was finally able to get a good look at her face. She was pretty, striking even. She had large dark eyes, with brows that quirked up to make it look like she was laughing at something. She was surrounded by the three girls from the jeep. They seemed… awful. Definitely not the type of people he would have associated with the girl who had complimented his bike, who made faces while writing in a diary. He shrugged, disappointing for sure, but he knew it would be better for him if he didn’t make connections with people.

He looked back toward his locker before she could catch him staring. She must think he was a creep after last night. Someone had stocked his locker with the books he would need, and he added the battered philosophy textbook he had brought with him. He almost never left home without a book, and for first days, he liked to bring his heaviest, most pretentious reading material. No one intentionally starts a conversation with someone who reads Nietzsche for fun.

He wondered into his class and sat in the back of the class, listening to the buzz of conversations around him. And this, finally, clued him in to the one thing that made Westerberg High special. The Heathers. All of his other high schools had had their popular group, but none had been as well coordinated as this one apparently was. The even all had the same name-- or, mostly the same name, they had been letting a Veronica hang out with them and apparently that was a big deal. They even color-coded themselves so you would always know which Heather you were dealing with.

The logic of developing a clique based around having a name in common was enough to keep JD occupied for the whole class. Were there any other Heathers in the school that weren’t one of _The_ Heathers or were they the only three. What if one of the three Heathers wasn’t attractive, or wasn’t interested in being popular? Could you be drafted into a clique? Would the chief Heather eventually force the Veronica to change her name so they could keep their synchronicity? It baffled him.

He spotted them the second they walked into the cafeteria at lunch. They were color-coded and walking in formation: first red, the yellow, and then green then blue. Blue. It was his neighbor. _Please let her be Veronica. Please let her still have a soul,_ he prayed. When he really looked at the four of them together, he noticed that though she was pretty she wasn’t like them. By the typical standards of society, any one of the others would be far hotter. Instead, she was something else, something JD found far more compelling. She was _interesting._ He couldn’t even remember the last time he had found someone interesting.

She glanced over at him, and gave him a small smile. She almost looked as if she were sizing him up. He smirked back at her and sat back, waiting to see what she would do. Just when it looked like she was about to come over and say something to him, the red Heather snapped something at her and she jumped, turning away. He definitely didn’t like red Heather, but based on the way they treated Blue, she wasn’t on the same level as them. She _must_ be Veronica. He had already started calling her that in his head, which would get awkward if he turned out to be wrong.

She sat at their table and started writing something, periodically checking a crumpled piece of paper next to her, as if she were copying it. Finally, she handed the note to red Heather who gave it to the green one. She wandered off with it, and Veronica buried her head in her arms. Whatever she had just done, she felt bad about it. She had a soul! He picked up his book, no longer caring about the unfolding drama.

His book was a well-read philosophy 101 textbooks he had picked up at a flea market three schools ago. It had a whole section about morality that was his favorite, and what he was reading when the two guys walked up to his table, crowding into his space.

“So, what did your boyfriend say when you told him you were moving to Sherwood, Ohio?” JD contemplated the many sarcastic replies he could give, but decided it was better to remain silent and see where this was going.

“Hey! He asked you a question!” The other one snapped. People were starting to look over at them. Great, witnesses.

“This cafeteria has a no fags allowed policy, doesn’t it Ram?” The first one said, the other one gave a little nod. The whole cafeteria was now staring, including Veronica. He made a decision.

With a little smile he said “The seem to have an open door policy on assholes though, don’t they?” And that’s when the fight started.

Philosophy textbooks are useful for a lot of things, but right now, it was his best weapon. He slammed it into the first jocks face and kicked him over. The second one was trying to pin his arm, so he got hit as well. JD almost had to hand it to them, they kept getting back up, but he’d been in plenty of fights and this one wasn’t going to last long.

It was over in two minutes. A well-placed head-butt was hard to argue with and once his buddy was down, the other guy gave up. JD grabbed his book and his coat and started to walk away. Veronica was still staring at him. He couldn’t quite name the look in her eyes, but he liked that it was directed at him. He flicked his hair out of his face and winked at her.

He managed to catch her alone at the end of the day. “You have a soul, you should work on keeping it clean,” He told her, watching her face for a response. “We’re all born marked for evil.” He didn’t know why the quote had slipped out. It was one that he liked, but probably too obscure and pretentious. He turned to leave, cursing himself.

“Wait. Don’t just quote Baudelaire at me then walk away!” She recognized the quote. Oh shit she recognized the quote. Right at that moment, JD knew that this school was going to be very different from the others. This school had her.

“Wait, come on. I didn’t catch your name?” She called to him.

Biting back a smile, he said, “I didn’t throw it.” He walked off, leaving her standing in the empty hallway.

 

 

_Dear Diary,_

_I cannot get that new kid out of my head. I mean, sure staring at me through my window is creepy, but the way he fought Kurt and Ram? DAMN. I mean, it looked horrible, obviously, it was a fistfight. But something about the way he was during it was fascinating. He seemed so nonchalant, like even if he had been hit it would have brushed off of him without leaving a mark. I wish I could be like that. Also, just for a moment, I wished he were fighting for me. He seemed so strong, and right now, I really want someone who can protect me. Heather C is planning a prank on Martha at Ram’s party. I hate that I let her make me a part of it. I’m praying that she’ll be smart enough not to go to the party, but I doubt it. Martha sees the best in people; she would never think that a note from Ram is a trap. I just don’t know what I would do if I was forced to choose between the Heathers and Martha. The new kid told me to “keep my soul clean”. Easier said than done Mr. Neighbor guy. Easier said than done._

_Veronica_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JD's books are from the list that comes up when you google "pretentious books". They were also both books I read when I was a senior in high school. The textbook is based on the book I had to read for my philosophy 101 "God, Death, and The Meaning of Life" which sounds like something JD would be all over.


	3. Brain Freeze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I rewatched Heathers (1988) today and realized that I've been spelling "Westerburg" wrong in all of my fics. I'm too lazy to go back and change it, so from here on out I'll just do it right. I'm really proud of this chapter, but it does contain a lot of direct movie/musical quotes. If this bothers you, skip this chapter.

There was plenty for JD to do once he got home; he hadn’t unpacked at all. He had only bothered putting the bottom sheet on his bed, leaving the rest of his bedding folded in its box and sleeping in his clothes. The only thing that he had removed from its box yesterday was the only picture he had of his mother. His father had taken it years ago, on a trip to the beach that JD barely remembered. She was looking away from the camera, at him, and she was smiling. He couldn’t look at it for very long. Looking at her smile hurt, and he preferred to be numb. Seeking anything to distract himself, he looked out his window. Veronica’s room was dark, but the small corner of her yard that was visible to him, he could see the back of a bright red jacket, and one yellow sleeved elbow.

It still baffled him that the quirky, bookish girl he had seen when she was alone would be friends with these diet coke heads. He knew what popular girls were like, and these seemed even worse than normal. Maybe she liked the power? JD could relate to that at least. He stretched out on his bed and went back over his interactions with Veronica. So far she didn’t seem to think he was a freak. That was a good sign.

The problem with the whole situation was that no matter what happened with Veronica, he would be gone in six weeks. That thought made him feel very torn. Part of him wanted to seize the first opportunity he got with her. No more games and jokes. The other part of him wanted to avoid her and throw away whatever they might be able to have just to spare his feelings. His mind turned it over and over. Finally he leapt out of bed and threw his coat on. He needed a fucking slushie.

He was in the middle of a particularly effective brain freeze when the store bell dinged, and she walked in. It was deeply ironic that the reason he was here showed up here to negate the effects of the brain freeze. Still, it seemed like a sign that he should stop trying to be numb and see where this thing could go.

She was looking at—of all things—corn nuts when he approached her. “Greetings and salutations. Do you want a slushie with that?”

Her surprised expression morphed into an adorable grin when she saw who it was. “No, but if you’re nice I’ll let you buy me a big gulp.”

Well, she couldn’t be perfect. “The slushie is the signature drink of the house. Do you want cherry or lime?”

“I could have sworn I said big gulp.” She considered him, still smiling. “I’m Veronica Sawyer, by the way. Do you ever plan on telling me your name?”

JD pretended to consider it for a bit, “I’ll end the suspense. I’m Jason Dean, call me JD.”

She still had that strange appraising expression. “So, JD. That thing you pulled in the cafeteria today was pretty severe.” She raised her eyebrows, expecting some explanation.

“The extreme always seems to make an impression. Did it work?”

“If the impression you were going for was ‘trench coat psycho’ then yeah, definitely. By the way, you have a new nickname.”

He shrugged, “they aren’t totally wrong.”

“So you are a psycho?” She asked.

“No, but I do wear a trench coat.” That got him a genuine laugh.

“So what’s a Baudelaire quoting badass like you doing in Sherwood, Ohio?”

She thought he was a badass! He tried to play it cool. “My dad’s work moves us around a lot. He’s a demolitions expert.”

“What does that entail?” She asked.

“He blows shit up.”

“Wait, hold on. Is he the guy from the really cheesy commercial?”

JD heaved a sigh. Of course she had seen the commercial, in all its masturbatory glory. “Yep. That’s him. He’s a little… well some might say crazy.”

“Everyone’s life has static.” Veronica was interrupted by an obnoxiously long honk from the car waiting outside. She sighed, “For example, I don’t like my friends very much. But they are taking me to a great party at Ram’s.” For one second it looked like she might ask him to come. He was glad she didn’t.

“I don’t like your friends either. You should blow them off. Stay here, hang with me.” The words came out before he had a chance to think them through. She took them as a joke, though.

“At the 7/11? Swanky first date.” Her eyebrows arched up.

“Careful, I love this place.” He said, not kidding as much as he wanted to be.

“No offense, but why?” He supposed it was a logical question. The amount of time he spent at or thinking about 7/11 was probably very unusual.

“Schools and towns start to blur together after a while. I guess it’s nice to know that wherever you are, there’s going to be a 7/11, and it’s going to look like all the others. And also because there are slushies here.” JD was a little proud of his explanation. It almost sounded like something a normal person would say.

“Does your mother you that you eat all this crap?” She said, clearly teasing.

“Not anymore.”

Veronica’s eyes got comically huge. She was just barely starting to stutter out an apology when he stopped her. “It’s fine,” he said “She died, things changed, but I’m okay.” He took a long sip from the slushie, relieved at the ache that it brought. Talking about his mom would never be easy.

He changed the topic somewhat abruptly. “You know that you’re really easy to read, right?”

She grimaced, “yeah, I know. I’ve been told that.” There was another loud honk from outside.

“With people like her in your life, you should really start building some walls.” He offered her the slushie. She took it and drank, then doubled in pain.

“Brain freeze?” He asked, trying to contain a laugh. She nodded, still holding her head.

“Yeah, this sucks. This is why I wanted a big gulp, you know.”

“I don’t know. I kind of like them.” He said cautiously. He was wandering into crazy loner talk territory.

“You like brain freezes? Okay, I definitely need an explanation for that one,” she said incredulously.

“I guess I just like the distraction. The numbness. It’s nice not to feel anything for a bit. Hey, it’s cheaper than cocaine.” He ended lamely, trying to make it into a joke.

The considering expression was back, but she held out her hand. He handed her the slushie and she took another long sip. “Gahaaa” again she was clutching her head. “Alright, I see what you mean. Not the best coping mechanism, but not the worst either. Props, Neighbor Guy.” He smiled at her.

“VERONICA! Say goodbye to Red Dawn, we have to motor.” Heather. Veronica handed him his cup and fled out the door behind her. JD’s reasons to dislike Heather were growing in proportion with his reasons to like Veronica. He hoped he saw Veronica again soon. Maybe he could get her to rethink her friends.

 

           

_Dear Diary,_

_It’s probably colossally stupid to write while in the car with Heather C, but I want to rehash the interaction I just had with Neighbor Guy, whose real name turns out to be Jason Dean. He definitely has his quirks, that’s for sure. But he seems smart and funny. He’s so completely different from the Heathers and everyone else at Westerburg. When I was with him, I started to feel like I was in a world without Heathers. It was beautiful._

_Veronica_


	4. Goethe and Girls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is porn and fluff. Also, I'm hardcore shipping JDxGoethe right now so that's going to become a thing in this fic probably. Hopefully someone reading this gets the joke and thinks I'm funny. Enjoy!

JD stared at Veronica’s dark window. _She’s at a party, she’s with people, having fun_ he kept reminding himself, even though he thought she could have had just as much fun with him. He had decided to ask her out. He wasn’t sure how yet, but he knew he would do it. He also had yet to figure out what he would do if she said yes. Still, when she got home tonight, he would open his window, get her attention, and ask her to do… something.

Time dragged on and Veronica didn’t come home. He had gone back to reading, finally settling on Goethe. Though JD usually preferred _Faust_ , _The Sorrows of Young Werther_ better fit his mood tonight. He read about Werther’s bad luck with Charlotte, and vaguely regretted the ending. There was no real need for Werther to kill himself, he had Albert’s guns, he could have found another way to resolve the situation. Albert wasn’t even that good of a guy anyway. He fell asleep still thinking about what Werther could have done differently.

A sound woke him hours later. Someone was pushing his window open, and climbing into his room. The figure immediately tripped over one of his boxes. He reached for his light and flicked it on.

“Veronica! What are you doing in my room?” She smiled at him and held a finger to her lips.

“Sorry to wake you up, but… let’s have sex.” There was absolutely nothing she could have said that would have surprised him more.

“Uh, Veronica. I don’t think—“ She shushed him.

“Shit went down at the party tonight. Heather Chandler says that on Monday my social life is over. I don’t want to deal with it so let’s just not deal with it together, okay?” He wasn’t convinced. She was clearly drunk, maybe not even thinking straight. He didn’t want her to do something she would regret. But god did he want her.

Then she touched him. He was very aware that he wasn’t fully dressed, and the heat of her hand on his hip burned through the fabric of his underwear. His resolve shattered.

“That works for me.” He pulled her tightly against him and pressed his mouth over hers. She forced her tongue into his mouth. She tastes like cheap alcohol and smoke, but under that is something sweet and intoxicating. He tangled his hands into her hair so that she wouldn’t pull away.

In between kisses she murmured what she wanted him to do to her. This was every teenage guy’s dream, and it was his reality. He couldn’t process how his life had brought him to this moment. She was incredible, beautiful, beyond words.

She pushed his head down so that he was level with her center. He pushed her skirt up and pulled her underwear down so he could touch her where she was most sensitive.

She stood above him, and he knelt with his face between her knees.  He had never done this before, but clearly this was what she wanted, and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her. He ran his tongue up her slit and over the sensitive bud at the top. She gasped and tightened her grip in his hair. He kept finding new ways to make her gasp and moan his name. He could have spent all night doing just that, but he could feel her legs wobbling.

He stood up and kissed her again. This one was even messier and more intense than the first. If either of them had ever had any reservations they were long gone now. He pulled her shirt off, and removed her skirt and bra. She pushed him back onto his bed and straddled him. She moved away for a moment so she could remove his shirt and underwear. He panted; even the small break from having her against him was too long. Then she sank onto him and the world seemed to tilt and shift. Then she started to move and the world ceased to exist. It was just the two of them in this moment surrounded by vast, empty nothingness. It was perfection.

“JD, slap me, pull my hair, and be rough, please.” She gasped and forced the words out. He couldn’t bring himself to slap her, but he wound his hand into her hair and took control of the pace of her grinding. When she started to lift herself off of him he pulled down on her hair and drove his hips up. She screamed in pleasure. Later he would worry that his dad could hear them, but in the moment nothing could have distracted him from her.

JD knew that he wouldn’t be able to last long. She was too perfect, but he was determined that this would be as good for her as it was for him. He finally let go when she through her head back and let out a cry. It was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. He was amazed that he got to witness Veronica Sawyer falling apart around him. He was hers and she was his.

Goethe’s words came back to him as she curled up against his chest, still too blissed out for movement or talking. “I have so much in me, and the feeling for her absorbs it all; I have so much, and without her it all comes to nothing.” He loved her. He had known her for barely two days and he was in love with her.

“JD?” She murmured.

“What is it, Ronnie?” He wasn’t sure where the nickname comes from, but it suits her and she doesn’t correct him.

“Do you want me to leave?” She looked a little embarrassed.

“Never.” He answered earnestly. He hoped he wasn’t coming on too strong.

“M’kay. Then can I have some clothes?” He smiled at her. He didn’t want to move, but he wasn’t just going to leave her there shivering. He went over to his boxes and grabbed a t-shirt and his quilt. She took the shirt from him and pulled it over her head while he spread the quilt over them both.

“Do we have to go to sleep yet?” She asked hesitantly.

“No,” he gave her a wide grin, “what would you like to do instead?” He wiggled his eyebrows in a lame attempt at seductiveness. She bit him. “Ow! Okay, fine.”

She laughed, “I just want to talk. I don’t want tonight to end yet.” She looked worried for a second, and he couldn’t allow that. He kissed her softly and she reciprocated. “I hope I didn’t freak you out tonight. I can’t believe I did this. It’s really not like me, I swear.” He couldn’t help laughing at this statement. It just highlighted how little they knew about each other.

“And here I thought this is what Westerburg girls did to welcome all the new guys.” She bit him again, and he hoped it left a mark. He thought there should be some physical sign of what had happened between them. That his mind and heart were so changed, but his body showed no sign of it made no sense to him.

 

“Seriously, though. I’m really glad you did this.” She looked up at him. “I was going to ask you out, but I don’t think I ever would have been brave enough to ask for this, so it’s good that you were.” Veronica smiled.

“You wanted to ask me out?” He couldn’t believe that _that_ was the detail she had chosen to focus on.

“Yeah. You’re amazing. You’re beautiful, you’re smart, and you’re funny. Obviously I wanted to ask you out.”

She was biting her lip and looking troubled. He was not good at talking about his feelings. He had a bad habit of saying things that were too serious or intense and throwing people off. He hoped he hadn’t taken it too far just then.

“Would you still like me if I didn’t dress like this? If I didn’t sit with the Heathers? If I was uncool?” JD was pretty sure he would like her better if she didn’t sit with the heathers but he didn’t think that’s what she wanted to hear.

“I don’t care about all that bullshit. I care about you. Hell, I should be asking you if it bothers you that I’m not cool. Fuck them all, we’ll be uncool together!” He hoped she knew that he really meant it

Veronica laughed, but became serious again almost immediately. “JD I’m scared. I’ve seen Heather destroy people before. I don’t want her to do that to me.”

“Heather Chandler is a bitch who deserves to die.” JD said flatly.

Veronica snorted. “Killing her wouldn’t change anything. Let’s just run away. We could go to Seattle.   I think that’s as far away from Sherwood as we could get without leaving the country.”

“I’m already packed we can leave in the morning.” He smiled down at her, only half joking. If she asked him to leave with her right now, he would go anywhere.

She just laughed. “You really are going to have to take me on that bike at some point though, JD.”

He smiled back at her, “Tomorrow, you pick where you want to go and I’ll take you there.”

“Okay. I’ll think of somewhere cool. I guess you haven’t seen much of Sherwood yet.”

He didn’t think there was much of Sherwood to see, but he shrugged and shook his head. “Alright then. It’s a date.”

They talked for a while longer, she told him how she came to be a part of the Heathers, he told her about some his other high schools, he kept a lot from her though. He never mentioned his mother or his father. Eventually she would have to meet Bud, but he didn’t want that to happen. She talked about her parents though, they were fairly detached but she clearly loved them. She talked endlessly about the habits and problems of the other two Heathers. And she told him her dream for a high school that was a nice place for good people. He would find a way to give that to her.

 

 

_Dear Diary,_

_I woke up this morning in JD’s room. With JD. Last night was the weirdest night of my life, because it was equal parts amazing and terrible. I guess in the same way that my best friend is my worst enemy, the worst night of my life is also the best night of my life. Neighbor Guy definitely surprised me. He was sweeter than I thought he would be, and yet comfortable and confident when we were having sex. He was amazing. The thing is, I’m not really sure that we’re dating. We barely knew each other when I broke into his house to sleep with him. Now we had this incredible night together and we talked for hours, but we never discussed what this relationship is. I guess I don’t really mind though. He lives next door so I’ll see him all the time no matter what, and I broke his window lock, so if I ever need to pop in there’s no stopping me! Anyway, this morning he was amazing when I had another Heather Chandler induced nightmare. But then, last night he also said that he thought she deserved to die, so I don’t really know what to make of him. He’s either a really gentle guy pretending to be tough, or a really scary guy with a soft side. Not sure which I prefer._

_Veronica_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not really sure where I want to go from here. Part of me wants to make the rest of this fluff and the other part of me wants to go through the whole plot and see what I can change. So who wants to suffer with me? Let me know your thoughts and where you'd like to see this go.


	5. Making Mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter, I might be able to have the next part up tonight, so check back in! Enjoy!

He was holding his book, but he wasn’t really managing to read it. Werther could go fuck himself, JD had his love and he wasn’t going to lose her to anyone. At the moment Veronica was writing in her diary. It was deeply tempting to pluck it out of her hands so he could see what she was thinking, but that felt like a violation. If she wanted to show it to him, she would.

She still seemed a little shaken from whatever nightmare she’d had that morning. He wondered what it was about but hadn’t asked her. Whatever it was though, it had made her restless, and she had grabbed her diary from the pocket of her jacket and immediately started writing. JD had watched her write for a while, before he decided to pretend to read, so it wasn’t quite as creepy. Abruptly, she closed the little book and stood up.

“Where are you going?” He tried not to sound too desperate, but the idea of her leaving made his stomach twist.

“I have to get to Heather’s.” He was floored. Why on earth would she want to leave him to go see that megabitch?

He tried to keep his tone measured and controlled, but he knew that some of his anger spilled out. “I thought you said you were done with Heathers?” He wanted to remind her of everything they had discussed last night. Last night she had been fine with leaving the Heathers. Last night, they had been prepared to take on the world together.

“That was last night, that was during a few hours when I could pretend Heather didn’t exist. But I can’t do that anymore. I have to go grovel and hope she’s feeling forgiving.” Veronica looked bitter, and he hated to see that expression on the normally sweet girl. He also hated to think of Veronica groveling to anyone. She deserved to rule this whole fucking town and Heather Chandler didn’t deserve to lick her shoes!

But… What if Heather really didn’t exist? Last night, when she was pretending there was no Heather, everything had been amazing. Things could be like that again if Heather Chandler were to disappear.

“I’ll go with you,” he said. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was planning, but he knew that one way or another he would make sure that Heather left Veronica alone.

She looked touched, “You would do that? I’m pretty sure I know how you feel about her.”

“Hey, I promised I’d take you anywhere you wanted today. You want to go to Heather’s so I’ll take you there.” He was relieved to see her smile. He didn’t want her to be stressed. “I can make her a hangover cure, it might help smooth things over.” _You can hide lots of things in a hangover cure_.

“Thanks, JD. That really means a lot.” She smiled at him, and he felt like he was melting, like every hard edge that had developed over the years was being smoothed over into something softer. All this, because of her.

He got dressed quickly and threw on his jacket. She was walking towards his window when she turned back to him and said sheepishly, “by the way, JD, you were my first.” He laughed and pulled her in for a long kiss.

She pulled away first, and the turned and climbed through the window. He shrugged and followed her out, not bothering to inform her that he had a front door she was welcome to go through anytime.

“Have you ever ridden one of these before?” He asked, noticing Veronica’s apprehensive stare, despite her bravado last night.

She shook her head, looking up at him nervously. “Well, hold on to me, and don’t let go. You’ll be fine.”

Her death grip had eased a little by the time they arrived at Heather’s huge house. She looked amazing, face flushed and hair mussed from the wind, but she wasn’t smiling anymore. He squeezed her hand. _I’m here, I’ll protect you._ That got him a small smile, which was enough for now.

When Veronica announced her arrival, Heather shouted down an order for a prairie oyster. He dug through the cabinets while Veronica found the actual ingredients.

“See, I’m more of a no rust buildup man myself,” he said, holding up the bottle of liquid drain cleaner.

“Don’t be crazy, that stuff would kill her,” Veronica was not getting his point.

“And so, her hangover will be ended and we will have done a good deed.” He poured the bright blue fluid into a mug identical to the one Veronica was using.

She leveled a glare at him, “You’re not funny.” He let it drop and set the mug down on the counter.

“Fine, fine. We’ll do things your way.” He set the mug down next to her, and couldn’t resist stealing a kiss. Which rapidly turned into a heated make-out session. They were interrupted by Heather Chandler shouting at them from upstairs. Veronica grabbed the mug and walked away, JD at her heels.

It wasn’t until Heather had forced Veronica to get on her knees and beg for forgiveness that he noticed _which_ mug she had grabbed. This one was a little too blue to be the one Veronica had intended to give her. But Veronica was kneeling on Heather’s carpet and she looked so humiliated, so when Heather Chandler took the cup from him, he didn’t stop her.

            She was dead in moments. He was definitely in over his head now. The biggest surprise of it was that the first time he actually killed someone; it was an accident (mostly). Right now, the focus of his life was having a panic attack, which was more important than the dead blond on the carpet.

            “Oh my god! I just killed my best friend!”

            “And your worst enemy,” he reminded her.

            She glared at him, “same difference!”

            She was shaking and babbling about going to prison. He had a better idea. No one goes to prison when there is no murder.

            “Veronica, listen to me.” She stopped talking and looked up at him. He kept pacing as ideas came to him. “What if we didn’t kill Heather Chandler?”

            “It’s a little late for that, JD.” At least she was calm enough to be sarcastic.

            “No, I mean, what if we didn’t kill Heather Chandler, because she killed herself?” Veronica gaped at him, but didn’t tell him to shut up. “You can do her handwriting. All we have to do is write a good note and no one will ask questions.”

            She nodded a little, so he got a pen and paper off of Heather’s desk and handed it to her.

            “Think hard. What would she say to an uncaring world in her final moments?” Veronica said nothing, so he started to brainstorm himself. “What about, ‘no one would believe it, but my problems were myriad’?”

            She glared at him, “’I was having my period,’” She said flatly, then she burst into a fit of manic giggles.

            Well, he had wanted to see her laugh.

            The fit lasted a little too long. In movies they slapped people when they did shit like this. JD hadn’t even been able to slap Veronica when she had asked him to last night, he didn’t think he could do it now, but she was scaring him. She sobered up the second she looked at Heather’s body.

            “Veronica, you need to focus. Think about Heather. Make her deep, make her a tragedy. No one will ask questions if they’re too busy crying about teenage suicide.”

            She stared at him hard for a long moment, then bent down over the paper and got to work. The note she conjured up was a masterpiece. It sounded just enough like Heather that people would believe it, but enough unlike her that people would grieve her loss. She was as amazing as it was possible to be, and here he was, witnessing her triumph.

            They left Heather’s body and the note in her house to be found, climbed on his bike and rode away. She directed him, and they ended up smoking together on scenic outlook just off the highway. He figured this was where Westerburg kids came to hook up on the weekends.

            Veronica still seemed very uneasy, which he understood, they weren’t sure they had gotten away with it yet. He felt fairly confident, Veronica was less so.

            “JD, did you know?”

            “Did I know what?” He said, stalling. He knew exactly what she was asking.

            “That I’d gotten the cup wrong. That we were going to kill her.”

            He took a long drag from his cigarette, trying to decide whether or not she wanted the truth. “I noticed.” He said, “when she made you kneel, I looked away, and I saw what was really in the cup.” He waiting, holding his breath, for her to respond.

            She was quiet for a very long time. Then finally, “We killed her.” He wasn’t sure what to make of that. She’d had no idea what was in the cup, there was no way she could have stopped it. She wasn’t responsible. (This was also something he would be willing to tell a judge if it came to that but he hoped it wouldn’t.)

            Veronica continued, “I wanted her dead right then. I hated her. She made me kneel down in front of you because she knew that would hurt us both. I was thinking that you would hate me for bowing to her, because obviously you would never do that,”

            “I could never—“

She cut him off. “So, I don’t feel nearly as guilty as I should.”

He didn’t think that actually held any legal weight, but still. “Veronica, you don’t need to feel guilty. Westerburg High will be a better place with one less Heather. Trust me.” He could see her force herself to believe it, and she leaned into him. It was the first time she’d touched him since Heather’s house. Even on the bike she had barely held on. He wrapped his arms around her and held her against him. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Technically I did not kill Heather Chandler. But hey, who am I trying to kid, right? Best-case scenario, I witnessed my boyfriend killing someone. And yeah, I’ve decided that we’re dating. Coving up a crime together seems like relationship stuff. He said that things would get better without Heather. I hope he’s right. I just want my high school to be a nice place._

_Veronica_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I've decided that we're going to suffer. I still have plans for other ways this could go so I'm thinking about making some alternate versions when I've finished this one. As always, I love to hear your thoughts!


	6. Planting Roots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So originally this story was going to be a lot less based on the plot of the musical/movie and a lot more about JD running to Veronica to escape his shitty home life, so here's a little bit of that and a some fluff. I think there needs to be a little fluff so that when it gets dark later there's something to compare it to. Enjoy!

JD took Veronica home. He parked in his own driveway and kissed her quickly, hoping his dad didn’t happen to be looking out his window. She ran to her house and, using a large tree, climbed into her bedroom window. JD walked in the front door. Bud would either be asleep or indifferent to him coming back right now so it didn’t really matter.

Bud was not asleep. “Well, Pop, late night at work?” He was using the dumb old joke, but he jaw was clenched and his tone tight. JD knew to approach with caution.

“No, early morning ride to clear my head.” It was not a total lie. He had been clearing his head.

“And the neighbor girl? Was she helping clear your head?” JD’s stomach dropped. Bud had seen Veronica, and he knew who she was.

“No. I saw her on her way home. I gave her a ride.” This was also not a complete lie, though it stretched the truth a little further.

“Are you sure? Because it kind of looked like she might have been giving you a ride.” Bud gave a lecherous smirk that turned JD’s stomach. His fists clenched. _Watch your step old man_. After the morning he’d had, JD was not about to listen to people saying bad things about Veronica.

“Careful _son._ It seems like I might have hit a nerve there.” JD hated feeling like he was on the defensive, he was usually one step ahead of everyone, but Bud had found his weakness.

“There’s no nerve. She’s just a girl.” That was a lie. Veronica Sawyer was not _just_ anything, but it was better if Bud never found that out.

   “Son, we’ve talked about witnesses. We don’t need people like her taking a look at our lives.” Finally, JD had a way to twist the conversation back under his control.

“Gee, Dad, I thought people usually witnessed crimes. There isn’t anything illegal in our lives that we’re trying to hide, is there?” They both knew that there was. Though JD was not certain of the details, some of his dad’s “deconstruction” only happened because Bud paid off judges and forged zoning papers. JD had received his bike after he had uncovered some evidence of this; it had been enough to shut him up back then. Mentioning this to his dad was enough to shut Bud up now. He walked back through the kitchen and disappeared into the den.

JD went to his room. Veronica’s curtains were shut; he assumed that meant she didn’t want to see him. He surveyed his room and started to do something he hadn’t done since high school number four: he unpacked. He put his clothes in drawers, hung his coat in a closet, made his bed. Then he broke down his three boxes and stored them in the closet too. High school four was in Kansas. The legal battle over that oak tree was the longest JD remembered his dad dealing with. JD had kind of started rooting for the tree. In the end it went the way of all his dad’s work. With the tree in pieces, they had left town. After that, they hadn’t really stopped anywhere that made unpacking worth it.

Sherwood was different. Sherwood had Veronica, and the hotel his dad had declared war on was being fought for, so they would be here for a few weeks at least. JD was hoping this one could stretch on for months. He didn’t want to leave Veronica yet. Maybe not ever.

At some point, JD fell asleep on his bed. When he woke up, it was evening and he was hungry. Bud must have gone out because the house was empty and silent. JD went to the kitchen and made himself some pasta. He took it with him to his room, where he noticed Veronica’s curtains were open.

When he finished eating, he opened his window, and climbed out onto the space made by a roof gable on the first floor. From here, he could reach one of the branches of the tree next to Veronica’s window. He climbed over and peered inside.

Veronica was sitting on her bed, facing away from him, presumably writing in her diary. When he knocked on the window, she jumped and turned. He saw one second of panic in her eyes before she realized who it was. She came over and opened the window.

“Coming in by the window is dreadful etiquette, I know.” He smiled at her and was relieved when she smiled back. “Are you okay? You seem a bit jumpy.”

“I keep expecting the cops to come pounding on my door.” She was biting her lip. He brushed her hair away from her face and bent down to kiss her gently.

“If they had any reason to believe we were there, they would have already come over to talk to us. And if they did that, I would make sure that they knew you hadn’t done anything wrong.”

“Are you saying you’d go to prison for me?” She asked.

“Well, I would prefer not to…”

She actually laughed that time, the tension seemed to leave her body and she leaned closer to hug him. JD held her close, resting his cheek on her soft hair. He pulled away so she could look up at him. “Can you stay for a little while? I don’t want to be alone.” He nodded instead of telling her that he would stay forever if she asked.

“So, what do you write in there?” He asked. He was hoping she would offer to let him read it.

She didn’t. Instead she said, “I just write my feelings and stuff. I guess I think of it as a way to explain my life, though not always a very articulate one. On the first day of school, after a particularly difficult reintroduction to my classmates, I just wrote ‘WHY’ six times, getting bigger and bigger.” He laughed with her.

“So… am I in there?” He wasn’t sure what kind of mood she was in, so he started with subtle flirting, though he wasn’t really a fan of subtlety. The extreme made more of an impression.

“You might be. I think I wrote something about you staring at me through my window.”

He groaned. He was pretty sure she was winning this conversation. “Right. Psycho trench coat stalker.”

She smiled at him, “one of those things is true.”

They didn’t sleep together that night. They played battleship and she showed him old pictures of her and Martha, until Veronica’s mom told her to go to bed. She kissed him before he climbed back out her window to return to his room. He realized that after years of having nothing remarkable happen to him, he’d had two best nights of his life in a row.

 

_Dear Diary,_

_I hate writing with a flashlight but mom already yelled at me about being up so late. I’m really lucky she didn’t come in while JD was here, that would have gotten awkward. JD was really sweet tonight. He was also a little scary this morning so I’m still not sure where I stand with him. He’s so strong, and I feel really safe when he’s around, but he knew that Heather was going to drink poison and he let her do it. To protect me? I don’t know. When he’s just acting like a normal guy, when we get to be teenagers together, he’s everything that I want. But if we get away with what we did to Heather, maybe everything can be fine. JD and Me, together in a world without Heather. When she was alive, that would have sounded like paradise._

_Veronica_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter may be up later tonight so be sure to check back in!!


	7. Kansas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! TW for physical abuse in this one. Normally I'd leave that more implied but it becomes plot relevant in the next chapter.

When he got to school the next day, he knew that they had gotten away with it. All anyone was talking about was the fact that Heather Chandler of all people had committed suicide. The cops, the teachers, the students had all bought it hook, line, and sinker. It made him feel powerful. He had gotten away with murder! (Semi-accidental murder but still.)

Veronica didn’t look like she felt powerful. She looked like she wanted to throw up. She didn’t look at him when he walked by her in the hall, though he overheard Heather Duke say something about “Jesse James”. This school wasn’t creative with its nicknames. It was, however, creative with its memorial services.

They were crammed into the gym, reading and discussing Heather Chandler’s suicide note. Everyone was sharing feeling. Even Veronica had said something about Heather needing to “give up her power”. Still, it gave him a chance to admire Veronica’s handiwork. His favorite part of the note was the bit about donating all of her stuff. He hadn’t known Heather very well, but he thought she would especially hate that part. The amazing thing about the assembly was that people actually seemed to be getting along. Apparently, the only thing jocks and geeks could agree on is that they liked Heather Chandler better dead.

JD caught up to Veronica as she made her way out the door. “Hey neighbor, need a ride home?”

“Sure. Actually, can we go to your house? My parents will have heard about Heather and I don’t want to have a ‘don’t kill yourself’ talk with them.”

“Yeah, my dad won’t be home until later.” Hopefully. JD didn’t want Bud anywhere near Veronica.

They sat on his couch, drinking slushies and laughing at Heather Duke capitalizing on her best friend’s suicide. She had run to every news station that would take her call, and unknowingly helped them avoid suspicion. The more people thought of Heather Chandler as a tragic victim of teen suicide, the less likely they were to think of her as a potential murder victim.

“Oh, god! Turn it off. She’s making me sick.”

“What, you don’t want to have your five minutes of fame? I’m sure the stations would love to hear what you thought of Heather.”

Despite the tastelessness of the joke, Veronica laughed. “I don’t think anyone wants to hear me say that Heather was my best friend, but she hated me and I think the world might actually be better without her.”

“Well, yeah you shouldn’t say that. It doesn’t fit their narrative.”

“A narrative that we created. Does that bother you at all?” She was looking at him intensely, and he got the feeling that there was a right answer to this question.

“Honestly?” He looked at her and she nodded. “No. We made Heather deep. We gave her a story the world will never forget, and people are being better to each other because of it. Killing her was wrong, but what we did with her death was right.” Veronica didn’t look convinced, but she let him kiss her, which is what he was doing when his father walked in.

He pulled away from Veronica and placed himself in front of her. “Well hi, son! I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Dad! I wanted to introduce you to my new girlfriend.” Bud’s tone was just a little too intense. JD knew that Veronica would be able to tell that something was wrong.

            If she could tell, she didn’t act like it. She jumped up with a smile and held out her hand to Bud, “I’m Veronica.”

            Bud ignored her hand, looking her up and down. “She looks like one of them good girls. What’s a girl like you doing with a delinquent like him, eh?”

            In a desperate attempt to save Veronica, JD asked his dad about work. If something had gone wrong, it would distract him.

            “Some damn bitches are trying to save the stupid motel, all because Glenn Miller and his band once took a shit there. It’s just like Kansas. You remember Kansas?” JD remembered Kansas vividly, and there was a lot he could have said about it, instead he played along and watched in horror as Veronica became more and more uncomfortable.

            “Yeah. The tree.” Hopefully a brief answer would keep his dad from dragging this out.

            “The Save the Memorial Oak Society. Thirty packs of C4 on the trunk. Arraigned but acquitted!” He gave a loud, fake laugh. The tension in the room kept doubling, and JD knew that he _had_ to get Veronica out of there, his dad kept making it harder. “So, Dad, can I invite my girlfriend to dinner?” Bud was looking at him like he knew exactly how much it bothered him to hear his dad call Veronica ‘his’.

            Curling his hands into fists he spoke through gritted teeth, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, son.” JD looked at Veronica, trying to signal that she needed to get herself out.

            Bud’s lips curled into a smile, “Now Dad, don’t be such a square.”

            Veronica came to his rescue right before he started a fight, “Actually Mr. Dean, I should really be getting home. My mom is making my favorite dinner.”

            JD finally seized a chance to get his dad back. “Doesn’t that sound nice? Last time I saw my mom, she was waving at me from a library in… Texas, wasn’t it?” Bud glared at him. If there was one rule in this house, it was that they did not talk about JD’s mother.

            “Right. Well it was nice meeting you! Bye!” Veronica fled.

            JD sagged with relief as soon as he heard the door shut. Veronica was out. She was safe. He wasn’t.

            Bud advanced on him. “What. The Fuck. Were. You. Thinking?” He spat at JD. “I told you to keep her out of our life. So what exactly was she doing in our living room?”

            “Nothing. We were just hanging out.” JD tried not to sound defensive, but he did. Mostly because he was trying to defend Veronica.

            “Remember Kansas?” Bud asked his son, still angry.

            Words flew unbidden from JD’s mouth, “I think we just went over this.”

            “Not the goddamn tree. Those kids that came over? Do you remember them?”

Of course JD remembered them. They were from the philosophy club at high school number four. They were the closest thing he’d had to friends since his mother’s death. His father had chased them off their lawn with a gun, and one of them had broken his leg running away.

“That’s what happens to nosy little witnesses who dig around in our lives, so keep her out of it.” Even a threat as vague as that was enough to make JD see red.

“Leave her alone.” He said, trying to sound calm.

Bud wasn’t buying it. “Or what?” He laughed. Then, lighting-fast raised his fist as if to punch him. JD recoiled and his dad laughed even harder. “Two for flinching.” He followed through on his punch this time. One to the stomach and the other to his ribs. Gasping, JD watched his dad retreat back to the den.

As soon as he got to his room, JD closed his curtains without looking to see if Veronica was in her room. He didn’t want her to see him like this. He laid flat on his bed, still trying to catch his breath. He poked cautiously at his ribs, wincing at the pain. He was pretty sure nothing was broken, but there would be a painful bruise for a while. He wasn’t sure how he would explain that to Veronica.

Despite what Bud had said, JD knew that he couldn’t give her up now. In just a few short days, she had become vital to him. He couldn’t just give her up now, but he had to keep her safe. He had promised her that everything would be okay, and he was going to keep that promise.

_Dear Diary,_

_JD’s dad will not be speaking at our wedding. I have never been in a situation that strained and uncomfortable in my life. I have no idea why, but JD’s dad seems to hate me. I left my curtains open as a sign to JD that he could come over if he wanted, but his are still closed. I think something might be wrong, but I’m scared to go back over to his house, even if I am sneaking through the window. I’ll wait for him to come to me, or I’ll see him tomorrow at school. I’m not sure if I should apologize or if I want him to apologize to me. Oh, this is weird, Heather McNamara just called me and she needs me to come help her out of a situation with Ram and Kurt. Strange, but at least it gets my mind off JD for a little bit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I'll be able to update again tonight, but check back tomorrow!


	8. Worship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah I lied about not posting another chapter. I have a problem. Enjoy!

The school seemed normal the next day. JD was putting a lot of effort into walking normally with his still-sore ribs. The bruise he’d woken up with was a nasty shade of purple-black and it looked like it would be there for a while. It was a record for him, he’d been in school for less than five minutes and he already needed a fucking slushie. Then Heather Duke approached him.

“Hey! Have you heard about Veronica’s threesome?”

“Veronica’s what?” Individually, he understood what each of the words meant, but strung together like that they made no sense.

“Her threesome with Kurt and Ram last night. They keep telling everyone that they had a swordfight in her mouth, can you believe that? I wouldn’t have thought her mouth was big enough. Wait, weren’t you two dating?” He was considering the potential ramifications of punching her when he saw Veronica out of the corner of his eye.

She looked pale and shell shocked. She was staring at him as if waiting to see his reaction. As much as he wanted to see Heather Duke bleed for saying that stuff about her, Veronica needed him right now so he turned his back on the newest demon bitch of Westerburg.

The students parted for him, and formed a circle around them both, thirsting for a fight. _Bunch of fucking morons. STOP STARING AT HER!_ He could keep himself from saying it out loud, but he couldn’t help thinking it.

When he reached her, Veronica was at a loss for words. Her eyes were full of tears and she was shaking her head. He placed his hands on her shoulders, steadying her. “Shhh, Veronica. It’s okay, it’s alright. I’ve got you.” He pulled her into his chest as if he could shield her from all the other students. A voice echoed over the others.

“I guess trench coat psycho doesn’t mind our sloppy seconds!” The students laughed hesitantly. Apparently some of them were smart enough to know what was about to happen. Letting go of Veronica, he turned to face them. He calmly walked over to where they were standing, and punched Kurt Kelly in his disgusting face.

It was enormously satisfying to see the blood pour from his nose. He stepped back to appreciate it and missed the punch that was thrown in response. Whether by remarkable luck, or because god hated Jason Dean, Kurt’s fist smashed directly into JD’s bruise. He doubled over from the pain, and Ram pushed him over while he was off-balance. Once he was on the ground, they were kicking him.

He just tried to protect his face until it was over, but he could see their shoes, until a familiar pair of black and white oxfords stepped in between him and them.

Veronica.

NO! They would hurt her! He tried to pull himself up but was unsuccessful. It did, however allow him a better view of Veronica pushing Kurt back and glaring at him until he backed away. She turned that glare on everybody watching, until they all filtered out, muttering things like “freak”, “psycho”, and “whore”. Finally, they were alone.

“Oh God, JD, are you okay?” She helped him up so that they were sitting across from each other. He tried not to wince when she put her hand on his injured rib.

“Shh, Veronica I’m fine.” He smoothed her hair down and tilted her chin up to get a better look at her face. “Are you?”

“Yeah,” she whimpered, “I’m fine, and I’m awesome.” Then she broke down sobbing. After a moment she collected herself a little. “I’m sorry for all the waterworks. I’m not like this normally.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Go on and cry if you need to. I’m here, it’ll be okay.” Watching her like this was bringing up more feelings than he’d had in years. He was angry that they made her cry, furious and the students and teachers of this godforsaken school, and also so deeply, wildly in love with this incredible girl. She had been willing to fight for him. Tiny, gentle Veronica had pushed a jock twice her size and stood her ground against him. She was amazing. The whole world had nothing in it that could compare to her in his eyes.

“Veronica, listen to me. You are the only thing that matters to me. You are my everything, and tomorrow, I promise I will make this better.” He could feel tears coming on, and he turned away from her. He didn’t want her to see.

“Are you okay?” She asked, pulling him over to face her.

“Sorry, it’s just, I’ve been alone for so long and then suddenly there was you. It was like waking up after years of sleepwalking. God, this is the first time I’ve cried in years.” He paused to take a breath, “Veronica, I don’t know what you’re going through, but you aren’t alone.”

She looked at him earnestly, her eyes wide and infinite. “Neither are you, JD. And tomorrow, we will make it better. I don’t know how, but we will. I love you.”

He stared at her. He had thought those words to her so many times since she had broken into his house, never in his life would he have imagined that she would say them first. “Our love is God.” It was all he could say. It was all that made sense.     They were chaos and fire, infinite love and infinite destruction.

She looked at him and smiled slightly, just a small quirk in her mouth, but it gave him hope. “Our love is God.” He was hers, and she loved him. He kissed her. Even with all his words, he had nothing to express what he was thinking right now.

They skipped school and went to the overview by the highway. He spread out his coat for them to lie on and he kissed her again and again. She got tired of it. She pulled him closer to her and ground her hips against him, winding her hand into his hair.

He slid his hands under her skirt, savoring the feel of her soft skin. She was stunning. He bent his head to kiss the tender skin on her neck. He scraped his teeth across a particularly sensitive spot just below her ear and she gasped. His groan of pleasure turned to one of pain when she tried to remove his shirt and hit his bruised rib. He took the shirt off for her, and she cried out a little when she saw the marks covering his torso. She kissed every single one with lips so soft that they didn’t hurt. Then she pulled his pants down and took him as far into her mouth as she could. He lost all sense of coherent thought. When she stopped for air he dragged her up so that he could kiss her. Ignoring the pain in his side, he rolled them so he hovered over her.

“May I?” He whispered into her lips. She nodded and he slid himself inside her. The second time they had sex was nothing like the first. That had been quick, and hard, and desperate. This was slow, building like fire. He watched her face, memorized every expression, and whispered her name in reverence, over and over. They finished together, shattering and coming back together at almost the exact same moment.

“I worship you,” he whispered into her hair, softly enough that she probably didn’t hear him.

They lay like that for a while, tangled up on top of his coat. Eventually he noticed her shivering, so he wrapped it around her instead.

JD couldn’t bear it, so he broke the silence. “What are you thinking about?” Her usually expressive eyes weren’t giving him any hints.

“You’re right about Kurt and Ram. We need to find some way to get back at them, but you can’t take this too far. This can’t be Heather Chandler all over again. I don’t want anyone to die. I just want them to be the ones getting laughed at for a change.” He thought she was being too nice to them. They didn’t deserve to live after what they’d done to her, but she didn’t have to know that. He would trade his life for hers, and part of that was making sure that if they got caught, she couldn’t be held responsible.

“I have an idea. I need to get some stuff first though, can I come over tonight?”

She nodded, “I’ll leave the window unlocked.”

 

_Dear Diary,_

_Today was insane. The whole school thinks I’m a whore now because Kurt and Ram spread a rumor that we had a threesome. JD fought them about it, but he didn’t do as well this time. He’s pretty beat up, but he seemed all right. After all that we skipped school together and spent a few hours at the overview. I had sex outside today. Like I said, it was a weird day. Anyway, JD said we could teach them a lesson so that next time they think twice before bullying someone. He has these special German bullets that make it look like a suicide, but they’re actually just tranquilizers. We’ll shoot them with those and plant a note so everyone thinks they tried to kill themselves because they were gay. They’ll be laughing stocks for weeks. Looks like my next date with JD is jock hunting!_

_Veronica_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for SHIT GETTING SERIOUS


	9. Teenagers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This scene was so hard to write. Getting into JD's head can be really draining. Enjoy!

JD woke sore but happy in Veronica’s bed. The sun wasn’t coming up just yet, so he had a little time before they had to be at the cemetery. He looked down at the girl curled up on his chest, and for a moment considered just forgetting his plans for revenge and staying right here with her. But then he remembered her tears yesterday. How upset she had been. No one could be allowed to do that and get away with it.

She shifted slightly, and he pushed her hair out of the way so he could see her face. She was beautiful when she was asleep. She was beautiful all the time but especially so right now. Her lips were parted slightly, and she was relaxed and still, for once not troubled by nightmares.

She stretched and yawned when he woke her with a kiss. “Is it time to go?”

He smiled at her, “yes. Are you ready to do this?” He looked at her, half expecting her to back out, but she nodded.

They snuck out through the window once they were both dressed. Sherwood was quiet as they drove through it. JD liked the town much better like this, empty and silent.

They arrived before Kurt and Ram so they could set up the scene. It took them a bit longer, because they kept getting distracted by each other. They heard footsteps and they broke apart. With one last whispered, “our love is God” JD went to his hiding place behind the tree.

Veronica performed beautifully. He hadn’t known she had that kind of acting in her. Even knowing it was all a show, it made him furious, he wanted to shoot them both right there for daring to even look at Veronica.   She started her countdown, and he leapt out on “Three!” Ram went down immediately but she missed Kurt completely.

            “Stay here I’ll get him!” He bolted off after him. Thank god for whatever had happened to Kurt’s knee or JD would never have caught him. He raised his gun and looked right at him. “I love Veronica, and you started a war. This is what happens when you try to hurt chaos, when you try to attack God!”

            “What does that even mean?” At least his last words were in keeping with his academic record. When Kurt turned to face him, JD shot him. He fell close enough to Ram that their plan would still work,

Veronica was hovering over Ram’s body, but she stood when he approached. “What the fuck did you do?” He couldn’t recall ever hearing her swear like that. She looked so scared, and so angry. It must have been confusing for her, and she was probably angry that he’d lied to her, but it was necessary.

“I worship you, Veronica. We can make anyone who hurts us disappear, and the world will be better than it was before. That’s what it all means! Our love is God!”

She looked terrified when she responded, barely audible, “our love is God.” He knew she didn’t understand now, but she would. He would make her understand. Together they could finally make the world that she wanted. A decent place for people who are decent.

He took her hand and led her out of the woods. She was still wide-eyed and silent. When they got to school, the news had already broken about Kurt and Ram’s gay love suicide pact. School was cancelled for the day and there would be a funeral in two days.

“Veronica, if you want, we could go out to the overview. We can talk about it.” He was also craving a slushie but he didn’t mention that.

She shook her head, finally looking him in the eye. “Just take me home, JD.” So he did. He knew that she would eventually come around, even if she wasn’t quite there yet.

Bud had demanded an explanation for why JD wasn’t at school today. Bud was howling with laughter. “So, say that again. You’re telling me that the quarterback and the linebacker offed themselves because they were fucking in the showers after practice?” He was practically wiping tears out of his eyes.

JD had hated them enough to literally kill them and he still thought the display was disgusting. He left Bud chuckling on the couch and went to his room.

Veronica’s curtains were closed and her light was off. She was either not in her room, or she really didn’t want to see him.

It was like that for two days. They saw each other at school and they talked there and things were almost normal, but at night she kept her curtains shut, and though his were never closed, she didn’t come to see him.

He approached her right before the funeral to talk to her about it. “I get the feeling that you’re mad at me. There’s been an absence of beautiful girls climbing through my window.” He smiled at her, trying to act normal while desperately needing to know what he could do to get her back.

“You lied to me, JD. Ich Luge bullets? God, you must think I’m an idiot, falling for that shit.”

“I would never think that! You were lying to yourself too, you wanted them dead.”

“I did not, JD! They were seventeen years old! They might have turned out to be decent people and we took that away from them.” He found it endearing that she still said ‘we’ when she talked about the killings. He was really the one at fault, not her.

“Look, Veronica, did they make you cry?” She nodded grudgingly. “Can they make you or anyone else cry anymore?”

“Well, no but—“

“Trust me, Veronica, when you see the good that comes of this, you’ll understand.” JD looked closer at her. She didn’t look well, like she hadn’t been sleeping. He would have to keep a closer eye on her to make sure she was taking care of herself.

“No good could possible come of this,” she said stubbornly.

She was wrong. The funeral had had a message of forgiveness and tolerance, and had ended with Ram and Kurt’s fathers kissing passionately. Of course he definitely didn’t want to see that, but it proved his point rather nicely.

“Veronica, do you smell that?”

She looked confused, “No, what?”

“Tolerance, in Sherwood, Ohio. Who’d have ever thought it?”

“God, JD you don’t have to be such a smug asshole about it.” Now she looked truly pissed off, but at least she wasn’t sad. He couldn’t stand to see her sad.

“Okay, alright. Truce.” He approached her and kissed her, assuming he was forgiven. “So, who’s next? Heather Duke? She’s the one who started that rumor. And I have her copy of Moby Dick, if I underline enough meaningful passages, you probably won’t even need to write a note!”

“Oh my god! JD! No! Three people is already too many! This ends right here, right now.”

“Or what?” He threw his arms out imploringly.

“Or I’ll break up with you.”

“Veronica, don’t be like that. Every war has casualties, that doesn’t mean it’s not worth fighting. We can’t just give a free pass to all the evil FUCKS who make the world so unbearable for good people!”

“JD, tell me how your mother died.” She had interrupted a perfectly good rant, and surprised him into silence.

“Why does that matter?” This was the first time she’d put him on the defensive like this. He hated talking about his mother. He hadn’t really talked about her at all since she dies. He and his father had driven away from Texas and barely referenced her existence since then.

“JD, I just want to know. Please tell me.”

He paused for a long time, trying to keep his emotions in check. “Officially, it was an accident. That’s how my dad arranged it anyway. But she knew what she was doing. She walked into and old library two minutes before _he_ blew it up. She waved at me from the window, and then… she left.”

“I’m so sorry…” Veronica looked like she wanted to say more, but he didn’t want her pity.

“No, it’s okay. You see, the pain gives me clarity. You and I are special, we have a lot of work to do!”

“I don’t understand.” No. She had to understand. How could she not see what was so clear to him?

“We can make the world better, Veronica. You and me, together.”

“But when does it end?”

She still couldn’t see, he was getting frustrated, but he didn’t mean to yell at her when he said, “When every asshole is dead!”

She pushed him away from her and he staggered back. The pain in his rib flared up. He looked at her, confused, the only person he’d ever seen her physically shove was Kurt, and she had done that to protect him. It didn’t make sense that she would want to hurt him.

“Fine. You and I are damaged. We’re really damaged, actually. But that doesn’t make us wise! It doesn’t make us different or better than other people. We don’t get to decide who deserves to live and who doesn’t.” She was about to start crying. No, he couldn’t let that happen. “JD, remember when you snuck into my room and we played battleship and we were normal?” He nodded. Of course he remembered, it had been one of the best nights of his life. “Can’t we do that again? Can’t we just be normal? Hang out and watch shitty movies and make out on the couch? I just want to be a goddamn teenager. Don’t you want that too?”

She was really crying now, and he was prepared to say anything to make it stop. He still didn’t know what to say to her though. Could they really just have a normal life if they were constantly being tormented by the assholes in this school?

“I know you’ve been hurt. And that sucks. But the only way to get better is to move on, take a deep breath and try to have the life you want. We can’t fix everyone else but maybe we can fix ourselves? Please, JD. Just be normal with me.”

“I… I can do that.” He had once promised her that he would do anything for her, he could do this too.

She smiled at him, just one small, hopeful smile that melted him completely. “We could go to prom?”

He smiled back, “You might even get me to dance. Just, please don’t leave me.”

She sighed, “I won’t. As long as you choose me over your crazy revenge plans.”

“I do. Veronica, I’ll always choose you.” He stared into her eyes and kissed her, and she kissed him back. Against her lips he whispered, “I’m yours”.

 

_Dear Diary,_

_My teenaged angst bullshit has a body count and my boyfriend has more issues than Vogue. Still, you can’t help who you fall in love with, and I am definitely in love with JD. After the funeral today, we talked for real, and he promised me that there would be no more murders. I really want to believe him because today was good. We hung out at my house, made brownies, and had sex. He finally met my parents, and I think they liked him. He made a big show of leaving to go home, but almost immediately showed up at my window. He’s asleep in my bed right now. If things with him were always this good, I wouldn’t have anything to worry about. Somehow, I can hear Heather Chandler’s voice in my head, telling me that I’m an idiot to trust him._

_Veronica_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, JD is really starting to lose it... That means we are entering the home stretch with this one. It should be only a few more chapters. Check back tonight for another update! btw, my next fic is going to have to be hella fluffy to make up for this.


	10. Togetherness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today has been really wild, and not really a good day. Your feedback lifts me up and I could really use some positivity. There should be three more chapters after this, but that's subject to change. Enjoy!

JD found that he preferred waking up in Veronica’s room to his own. Especially when Veronica was still asleep next to him. He wished he could stay with her, but he had to go back to his own room for a shower and a change of clothes. He extricated himself carefully from underneath her, and climbed silently out the window.

His house was quiet, Bud was either asleep or had already left. He was mentally preparing himself for how difficult it would be to keep his promise to Veronica today. He would have to look at Heather Duke and know what she had done to Veronica and just… let her get away with it. Heather didn’t deserve Veronica’s mercy. He took a deep breath. He could do it for her. He had promised. And, if Veronica ever changed her mind, he still had Heather Duke’s copy of _Moby Dick_. And his gun. He wouldn’t have to tell Veronica, he would just carry it around to know that he had it. It would help him feel better.

Apparently, it was only a half-day at school. Morning classed flew by and the afternoon dedicated to Ms. Fleming’s “togetherness assembly”. He wasn’t sure what that meant, but it sounded hilarious.

Veronica wasn’t in the mood for it. He had seen her talking to Martha, but doubted that there was anything she could say that would upset Veronica very much. When they got into the gym, JD noticed all the news cameras, and wondered if that was what was eating at Veronica. She hated all the attention the suicides were getting, and this was a whole new level.

Once everyone was seated—JD ended up behind Veronica instead of next to her like he’d wanted—Fleming started to talk about the way to eliminate suicide. She thought what they really needed was to confess their deepest fears. JD assumed it was some sort of mutually assured destruction thing, no one would make fun of each other because everyone else knew their shit too. It might actually work.

Everyone was shouting things that bothered him or her, but nothing really serious was said until Heather McNamara stood up.

“I’ve thought about killing myself!” She shouted, and the whole room fell completely silent. _Finally, this is getting good._ “The last guy I slept with killed himself because he was gay for his linebacker, and my best friend seemed to have it all together but now she’s gone too. And now my stomach hurts, and I’m sitting on the bus and I can’t breath because Jesus, I’m only on the bus because all my rides to school are dead.” JD seethed a little, Heather Duke, supposedly Heather’s best friend couldn’t be bothered to give her a ride. He had known Duke was a bitch, but that was worse than he’d realized.

Heather kept talking. “I feel like I’m going crazy, like we’re all floating on a tiny raft, and there isn’t enough room for all of us. And, if I say something or do something wrong, they’ll push me off to make room for someone better.” Abruptly, she was yelling, “Everyone is always pushing and fighting for space on the stupid raft and I don’t understand why it’s so important, but the raft is all I have so I keep trying to stay on it, but I’m just so tired.” She ended weakly, and JD almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

Heather Duke sighed and rolled her eyes, turning all the attention onto her. “God, Heather, all you do is whine. You just want everyone to feel sorry for you so you can be cool again. We guess what? It won’t work.” McNamara turned, looked at all of them, and then fled the gym.

“Turn the cameras off, dammit! Turn them off!” The gym was chaos, and Fleming was fighting to get it back under control. Veronica jumped right into the center of the mess.

“Is that all you care about? The cameras? Heather trusted you! You told her she was safe and then you let this happen!” Veronica was breathing hard and JD really did not like where this was going. “You’re all useless! You’re all idiots!”

JD jumped up to try to stop her, but she shook him off and faced down the whole school. “And you know what else? Heather Chandler was a monster just like Kurt and Ram! And they didn’t kill themselves _I_ killed them!” Fuck.

The game was up. Veronica had confessed, and it would take a lot of digging to get them out of this. He might still be able to convince the cops that she hadn’t wanted to do it, or that he’d tricked her, but it would be harder with a confession in front of so many witnesses.

Then Heather Duke started laughing. Soon the whole school was following her lead. “Some people will say anything just because they think it makes them cool.” Veronica was definitely right. All these people were useless idiots.

Veronica left the room, turning her back on all of them in disgust. He kind of wanted to stay and appreciate the chaos for a while longer, but followed her out instead. He got out in time to see her disappear into the girls bathroom. He stood outside to wait for her.

He could hear Veronica shouting at Heather to stop something. JD braced himself for Veronica to come running to him, shouting about Heather’s death, but she didn’t. She stayed in there for a long while. When she came out, she had her arm around Heather’s shoulders.

“JD! Hi. Heather and I are leaving. I’ll come by later, okay?” He nodded.

Later, as it turned out, meant that night. She came by the front door, which made him nervous even though his dad wasn’t home.

“You’re a genius, Veronica. I got to admit you had me worried with your little confession, but you pulled it off in the end. The best place to hide is right under their noses.”

“I wasn’t trying to hide. I was trying to stop hiding, and stop lying.” She seemed angry with him, and for the first time ever, he felt angry with her.

“Why’d you have to meddle with McNamara? One more dead Heather is a good thing.”

“She’s my friend!” Veronica was staring at him as if she didn’t know him at all.

“Okay fine, Duke then. Are you just going to let her run around and make people want to kill themselves? See! This is what I mean. Nothing ever changes unless you—“

“No! I thought we were out of the change business.”

“Seriously? After everything that went down today you still think we can just let things be?”

“Stop talking over me!” He obeyed. “You promised me. You said we were done.” He took a deep breath and felt the gun in his pocket. The feel of it in his hand was comforting and calming.

“I promised.” He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, and she kissed him back. It wasn’t deep or heated, just soft and simple but intense enough that he didn’t hear the door open or the footsteps approaching.

“Sorry Dad! I didn’t hear you come in because I was playing grab ass with my girlfriend.” Buds voice shocked, and in one quick movement, he pushed Veronica behind him. He wasn’t going to let his father anywhere near her. Luckily, today wasn’t a bad day. Bud had apparently won the fight over the hotel.

“And I got it all right here on video! You should have seen the fireworks. I put a Norwegian in the boiler room, used it to set off the thermals upstairs. It was artwork” The tension that had been building in JD was threatening to boil over. He did not care about another fucking explosion. He was in the middle of something with Veronica and he wanted to be left alone.

Bud turned to play the video and all at once, JD snapped. He pulled out the gun and shot the VCR.

“Goddammit! No firearms in the house!” On a lot of days, that would have gotten him hit for sure, but today Bud just let it drop and went into the den. Fucking finally.

JD waited until he was out of the room to start laughing. Veronica didn’t find it funny. “Why are you carrying a gun?” she asked, and she looked genuinely scared.

“Come on, Veronica! It pissed off my dad, it was funny!” She still didn’t laugh.

“It’s not funny! none of this is funny! You’re walking around with a loaded weapon! You promised me.” She looked scared and betrayed, why didn’t she understand that he had finally gotten back at his dad? Even a little thing like that was a lot for him.

He kept trying for humor, “It’s a dangerous world, babe!”

“Yeah because of people like you! You know what, JD? Leave me alone. I don’t want to see you. We’re done.” No, she couldn’t mean that, even though she sounded like she did.

“Veronica, don’t be like that! I love you.” He was still holding the gun. It calmed him down to have it in his hand. Unfortunately, he was waving said hands, and the gun ended up pointed at Veronica.

For a single second she looked utterly petrified. He let his hand fall and nodded. She was right. He was dangerous. And he was about to get a lot more so.

 

 

_Dear Diary,_

_I’m done with JD. I had to end it today. He was going on and on about killing Heather Duke, and it was really scary. Then he pointed a gun at me. I think it was an accident, but so was Heather drinking drain cleaner and that doesn’t make her any less dead. I just couldn’t take it any more. I’m scared of what he’ll do though. I think I kept him from doing even more harm, but Kurt and Ram are proof that if he really wants someone dead he’ll make it happen. I just can’t stand not knowing what I’m going to get with him. Hopefully he moves away soon so I can work on forgetting all of this and atoning for my sins._

_Veronica_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jason "Let's Get Dangerous" Dean is on the loose...


	11. To Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was enormously difficult to write, and it even made me rethink shipping JDonica. I need something happy when this is over. Enjoy.

The plan came to him slowly. At first, he was just going to kill Veronica and himself so that they could be together in death. But that was a stupid idea. He didn’t want to be dead with her. He wanted a life with her. So he had to get rid of whatever was keeping her away from him. It was hard to pinpoint exactly what that was, but he suspected that Westerburg High was to blame. Once he knew that he had to get rid of it, it was only a matter of stealing the supplies from his dad.

            Making it look like a mass suicide was a stroke of pure genius. It proved his point perfectly, and the students would live forever in the memories of the world. There were no downsides. He made up the petition and gave Heather Duke some bullshit reason to get everyone to sign it. He knew she would use it as a way to prove how popular she was, and that was fine with him. The more names on that list the better.

            Of course, this didn’t take Veronica’s feelings into account. He knew she wouldn’t like it. He became even surer of it after he heard about Martha’s suicide attempt. Even he felt sorry for her, but it also gave him clarity. The only way Heathers and Marthas could get along was if they were dead. He could make that happen. He would make that happen. They would all die, and he will have cleansed the ground so that a new, better high school could rise up from the ashes.

            He was deeply torn about Veronica, and he took his frustration out on his wall. The fist shaped hole above his bed was a trophy to his pain and anger. He couldn’t hurt Veronica, but he couldn’t have her trying to stop him. He had no idea how he would convince her to join him. He thought if he scared her a little bit, she might come back to him, so he paid her parents a little visit.

            “I’m just so worried about her Mr. and Mrs. Sawyer. She’s been so sad lately, and now with so many of her friends dead she feels it's her only option. Look at her copy of _Moby Dick_. She clearly isn’t well. I couldn’t get through to her, but you’re her parents. I’m sure you’ll have better luck.” He hoped he wasn’t laying it on too thick, but he had to make his point. If scaring her back into his arms didn’t work, he would have to get rid of her. And if she was gone, he would go with her.

The idea of dying the way his mother had made him uncomfortable. The idea of dying made him uncomfortable. But everything in his head was so loud, his thoughts crowding up on each other, that a silent empty void was appealing. He was tired of being angry, but the world wouldn’t stop making him angry so he would have to leave it. And if Jason Dean was going to leave the world, he was going to take a bunch of assholes with him.

He spent the night building the bombs. There would have to be a few. He went with his father’s signature, a serious as fuck bomb in the basement to set off the packs of thermals he would place in the gym. It took hours to get everything rigged together. He set the boiler room bomb with a timer so that he and Veronica would have time to get out. He didn’t want her so much as singed by his mad plan if he could help it. As always, she must remain innocent.

Even after he had finished crafting his masterpieces, it was a couple hours before dawn, which is when he had resolved to go see Veronica. He spent the time pacing. He must have walked a mile within the confines of his room before the sky began to grow light. He dove for his window and nearly fell from it in his haste to get to her.

He had his gun in his pocket, but he had resolved not to take it out. It scared her too much, and he didn’t want that. He wasn’t careful enough as he climbed the tree over to her house. He made enough of a racket that she must have known he was on his way. She hadn’t thought to lock the window though, so he got in easily.

“Knock, knock. Sorry to come through the window, dreadful etiquette I know.” He knew he shouldn’t play with her. He had seen her closet door close as he entered, so he knew she was hiding.

“Get out of my house, JD.” Her voice was rough, but he could feel the stubbornness. She wasn’t ready to give up yet. Well he wasn’t ready to give up on her, either.

“All is forgiven, baby. Come on, get ready. You’re my date to the pep rally!” He wasn’t sure when his voice had taken on this manic quality. Maybe he wasn’t as in control as he wanted to believe he was.

“Listen to me, I know you think I’m here to kill you but you’re wrong. I mean, I thought about it for sure, but I couldn’t do it.”

“JD, why do you want to go to the pep rally?” Did that mean she wanted to go with him?

“It’s because of the ‘petition’ your classmates signed. You have to come out here and see what it really is!” Surely she would be able to see how well executed it was. She had to admire all the thought and effort that he had put into this. “You see, I kept thinking about why you left me, why you would throw me away like I meant nothing, and I realized it was because of them. All the assholes in that school are pulling you away from me, but I can set you free! Just like you set me free! You made me feel everything Veronica, so I built a bomb!” He was a little surprised when he didn’t hear her say anything in response to that. Maybe he was getting through to her!

He tried to make his tone a little gentler; she wouldn’t want to come with him if he was ranting like a madman. “We’ll destroy the school, and we can stand back to watch it burn. You and me, together. Like we’re supposed to be. Veronica, you know I’m right. I was meant to be yours, we were meant to be together so we can finish what we started. I just need you to not give up on me.” She still said nothing, and he couldn’t keep his voice in check when he went on to explain his ingenious note.

“That’s the point of the note, Veronica, it explains why they died. They’ll be digging through the rubble and they’ll find this, listen “We the students of Westerburg high will die. Our burned bodies may finally get through to you. Your society churns out slaves and blanks. No thanks. Signed, the students of Westerburg High. Goodbye.” He read the note with relish, it had taken him many tries to get it right, but he was very proud of it. It was succinct, yet full of meaning.

“Babe, that’s all it will take. You don’t need them anyway; I’m all you need. You’re my everything. I meant every word that I’ve said to you. We’re meant to be.” She still said nothing. Her silence was beginning to make him panic, he was running out of ways to convince her, but maybe it would be easier if he could see her face and look into her eyes.

He knocked on the closet door. “Veronica, open the door. Veronica, please open the door, I just want talk. Veronica, I don’t want to fight anymore just open the door please!” The door didn’t open and there was no sound from inside the closet.

“Veronica, I’m counting to three. One.” He paused, and heard nothing. “Two. Fuck it!” JD wasn’t very patient. He pulled with all his weight and the door gave.

Veronica.

No.

No. It wasn’t her. It couldn’t be. She couldn’t be gone. She couldn’t have left him like this. Not Ronnie. Not his Veronica. But his eyes couldn’t lie to him. She was swinging gently from the rope around her neck. He wanted to take her down, but he couldn’t risk it.

“Veronica,” he spoke to her beautiful, lifeless body, “I can’t do this alone. But I have to. Goodbye. I’ll see you soon.” He heard her mother making her way up the stairs, so he crawled back out the window. The sun was nearly up in the sky; it was time to get to the school.

As he was walking down the street, he heard her mother’s horrified, heartbroken scream. _Me too, Mrs. Sawyer. Me too._

 

_Dear Diary,_

_The irony of this is that I won’t be able to write my own suicide note. I’m going after JD. He was right that I created him, so it’s my job to finish it. I deserve to die after everything I’ve done, and I am resolved to take JD with me. Maybe the two of us will go to prom together. In Hell._

_Veronica._


	12. Coming Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. This was intense. I'm really looking forward to seeing the reactions to my ending. This is the penultimate chapter, so thanks for sticking with me. Enjoy!

He spent the morning ducking between students and teachers, avoiding eye contact. He only stopped to speak to Fleming. He told her that Veronica had killed herself, and that he thought she deserved a memorial at the pep rally. Everyone here should die thinking about Veronica Sawyer, just like he would.

He needed time in the gym to put up the thermals, but it would be hard to find a time when it was empty. He waited and loitered and eventually got lucky. He put them up quickly but securely, attaching them to the bleachers. They would never see the thing that would kill them. The work helped him avoid thinking about her, but she was there every time he closed his eyes.

Beautiful Veronica. Veronica smiling at him in a 7/11. Veronica crawling through his window at two in the morning. Veronica begging him to let them be normal. Veronica hanging from the bar in her closet. Veronica.

Even now, she could still melt him. He wished he had kept his promise, because he realized that he wanted to go to prom with her. He wanted a life with her and he had ruined any chance he had of getting it. And if he was going to suffer the consequences of his actions, the whole damn school should suffer with him.

Once he was finished in the gym, he went in search of the boiler room. If there was a god, he must have been on JD’s side, because the boiler room door is unlocked. JD slipped into the musty old room examined it.

He decided to affix the bomb directly to the boiler. It should add some power to the blast, and all the machinery would hide the small trigger bomb from prying eyes. He intended to die in the gym with the rest of the students. Maybe he couldn’t witness his victory over Westerburg, but at least he could be a part of it.

“Step away from the bomb.” He looked over, not believing what he heard. But there she was, as perfect as if he had dreamed her. But he knew she was real. If she was a dream, she would have been less angry, and she wouldn’t be brandishing a croquet mallet like a weapon.

“I thought you lost your taste for faking suicides.” He stood defensively, keeping the bomb behind him. “And this isn’t even the real bomb, it just triggers the packs of thermals in the gym. Those are bombs.” He pulled out the gun and pointed it at her. It ate away at him to do so, but he wanted her to go. She couldn’t stop this now. The timer was already running.

“Veronica, you’re too late. People are going to see the ashes of Westerburg and think to themselves ‘here’s a place that crumbled, not because society didn’t care, but because it was society’. It will finally all be over.” He didn’t know why he was bothering to try to convince her of anything. The mallet made her opinion pretty clear.

She glared at him, unperturbed by his gun. “I wish your mom had been stronger.”

“Don’t talk about my mom!”

“I wish she had stayed with you, and I wish your dad was better. I wish I had met you before they convinced you that life is war. But, really, I just wish you would leave the bomb and come with me, JD.” With each wish she admitted, she stepped closer to him, until his gun was pressed into her forehead.

“I wish I had more TNT.” He couldn’t let her talk him out of this. He couldn’t put his arm down, no matter how much he hated to see the cold steel against her soft skin. He was conflicted for one second and he lost focus. She took advantage.

She swung her mallet in a powerful arc, and smashed it directly into his already bruised ribs. He heard them crack and fell to the ground, gasping for breath. She stood over him. “It’s over JD. Tell me how to turn it off.” He wanted to. She had beaten him, and she deserved to see her victory, but he couldn’t catch his breath enough to talk. He shook his head, wild-eyed, trying to tell her that she couldn’t, because he hadn’t installed a failsafe. He didn’t know how. The words wouldn’t come, anyway. They would die here, even though he had changed his mind, it didn’t make any difference.

Of course he should have known that Veronica would not allow that. She removed the bomb from the boiler, and carried it towards the door, glancing back as she did so. “I’m sorry.” Then she took off.

He knew what she was doing immediately. It was really smart of her. If she took the trigger bomb away, nothing would happen in the gym. The only problem was, she had three minutes to get it far from the school, and get herself far from the blast zone. It struck him like lightning when he realized the truth; Veronica didn’t plan to get away from the blast.

The thought was enough to get him to his feet. He could breath only slightly better, and talking would be a struggle, but he would make her understand what needed to happen.

He figured she would go to the football field. It was far away and there was no one there to hurt. He made it there, knowing that he didn’t have much time to spare.

“Wait!” He called to her.

“Stay away from me, JD.”

“Veronica, you’ll die if you keep holding onto that thing.”

“I deserve to die!” She was still glaring at him. She looked so scared, and yet so powerful and determined. He still loved her. He couldn’t let her do this.

“I respectfully disagree. Give it to me.” He moved as fast as he could, and succeeded in knocking her down. She dropped the bomb, and he picked it up. JD saw that her diary had fallen from her pocket. He wished he could have read it before he died. He backed away from her.

“Veronica, I’m damaged. Too damaged to be fixed but you’re not like that. You need to let me do this so that you can fix everything down here. You can clean up the mess I made. I told you once that I would trade my life for yours. I finally have a chance to prove that I meant it. I love you, and our love is God. So, please, just run. Get as far away from me as you can.” The clock was still ticking down. He didn’t have much time left, and she was still too damn close.

“No, JD. I’m tired. I sick of death and blood and damage!” She ran at him, ripped the bomb from his arms, and flung it across the field. She grabbed his arm and dragged him with her as she ran.

His lungs burned with the effort of running without being able to breathe deeply. His side screamed in pain with each step he took, but he wouldn’t let himself slow her down. He had determined that she would live through this, and she refused to leave him behind, so he had to keep up in order to save her.

The force from the blast flung them forward, and they both hit the grass hard. He landed on his face and was pretty sure that he was bleeding. He had soot in his hair and his eyes

Veronica didn’t look good either. Her hair was a mess and she had soot and grass stains all over her. She was still the most incredible thing he’d ever seen though, possibly only because he was so thrilled at being alive to see it. He couldn’t imagine he looked much better. She panted next to him, looked at the crater behind him, and then gritted her teeth. He could tell, just by looking at her, that she was done with tears.

“JD, we should get out of here. People will come to see what the noise was about. I have something I need to do, but you really need a hospital, so you should go.”

She wasn’t wrong. His ribs hurt like nothing else and he was still struggling to take full breaths. “What are you going to do?” He asked, worried that he knew the answer.

“I’m going to do what you wanted me to. I’m going to clean up the mess at Westerburg.” She would turn them in. He was still determined to take the fall for her, but he didn’t really want to go to prison. Still, he deserved to be dead, and he was only alive because of her incredible mercy.

He took what he could get and nodded. “Veronica, thank you. And, I’m sorry, but I think I blew up your diary.” JD basked in the glow of the very small smile that got him, and then he turned and walked off the field.

She joined the crowd of students that were beginning to gather around the crater. He watched from a distance. He saw her kiss Heather Duke and take the red scrunchie that had belonged to Heather Chandler. He saw her talk to and smile at Martha. She looked secure and happy, so he turned and walked back to his house. Bud was at home. JD made up some story about crashing his bike so that he could get a ride to the hospital.

He had two broken ribs, and a sprained wrist he hadn’t even known about. No one questioned his story about the crash, and several nurses admonished him for riding without a helmet.

The sun rose the next day and JD was glad to see it. He hadn’t noticed a sunrise in a long time, but he was sure this was the most stunning one that had ever happened. He wondered if she was looking at it too. He didn’t know if she had been injured in the blast, but he would have thought she’d have been able to talk to the police by now, and yet no one came to arrest him. He spent the whole day waiting for it to happen.

It never did.

For four days he jumped at every small noise and fell asleep expecting to be awoken by the swat team. Finally, he came to terms with the truth. For whatever reason, Veronica hadn’t turned him in.


	13. Six Months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you JD in therapy, JD respecting Veronica's boundaries, and JD having a friend. Also, this is the longest chapter so far, but I didn't feel like cutting it off. Enjoy!

Nearly six months go by before he speaks to her again. He had forced himself to stop counting the days after the first month. His therapist said it would help him move on. It had kind of worked. After a while, he could see her in the halls without feeling like he’d been stabbed. It helped that she seemed to be doing well. He saw her in the hallways at school, and tried not to stare. He caught glimpses of her as she came and went from her house, but he made a point not to tally her every move. He was probably still hers, but she wasn’t his. He had come to accept that.

His ribs had healed well, his dad had given a new bike, but he rarely rode it. He walked everywhere and tried to notice the small things about the world that he had spend so many years overlooking. That was more advice from his therapist, a nice woman who took him seriously and gave good advice. He wished he could tell her everything.

Most days, he went into her office angry, raging about some injustice or other, and she helped him work through it. She had taught him to manage his anger and communicate more effectively. He used the communication with Bud when it came time for them to move again.

“Dad, I don’t want to move. I like this high school and I like Dr. Meyers, and I would like to finish my senior year here, if there’s a way we could make that work.”

His dad had been confused at first, but he cautiously responded in a similar tone. “Alright. I’ll look for work nearby so we can keep the house and you can stay in school.” It occurred to JD that he’d never asked to stay before, and he wondered if it could have always been as simple as that.

Of course, Bud still had bad days. Sometimes JD had to go to school with a black eye that he would try to cover with hair that had grown too long. Thankfully, those days were unusual, and more often than not, JD lived a quiet life.

He had a friend, an unusual kid named Peter who would listen when JD talked about German literature. They had met when some thug was picking on Peter the parking lot. JD had had a bad day, and had lost control. He punched the guy, but only once. It had earned him a seat at Peter’s table the next day.

Sherwood was pretty in the winter. Christmas came and went with little celebration in the Dean household, and he envied Veronica’s warm, bright home. That week he had told Dr. Meyers about the promise made with Veronica and broken. He’d cried in her office, talking about all the typical-teenager Christmas stuff that they could have done.

January and February passed slowly, not helped by the long, gray Ohio winter. He missed talking to Veronica. She was the most popular girl in school, though so she wouldn’t have had much time to spend with him. She was too busy spending time with everyone. For a teenager with a body count, she was amazingly nice. The only friends he saw come to her house were Martha and Heather McNamara, sometimes Heather Duke would show up too. It looked like Veronica wasn’t the only person at Westerburg High who could be forgiving.

He still used slushies as a coping mechanism. It was one of the first things he had been willing to open up to Dr. Meyers about, and she had said that if it helped him he should keep doing it. So it was with a slushie in hand, at the 7/11, that he spoke to Veronica for the first time since he’d attempted mass murder.

It was late March, and it was an accident. He was sitting outside the 7/11 with a cherry slushie watching cars go by, thinking about his college applications when she had walked out.

She was wearing a sweater, and holding a slushie. He smiled, and couldn’t resist saying “I’m glad I brought one good thing into your life.”

She stared at him, and for a second it looked like she might reply, but he decided not to force her to. He smiled gently and said, “it’s okay, I was just leaving.” He walked away, applauding himself for not turning back to look at her.

A couple weeks later, JD was enjoying a quiet lunch. He was reading _A Winter’s Tale_ , and Peter was staring into space. Or, at least, JD thought it was space, until Peter asked, “Do you think she would go to prom with me?” JD looked over to the object of Peter’s interest.

His heart dropped. Of course every guy in the school probably wanted to ask her to be their date, and JD had accepted that she would go with someone else, but did it really have to be his only friend?

Well, at least he knew she’d be with someone nice. “Veronica is—“

“Woah, not Veronica! I meant Martha Dunnstock. She’s in my history and she seems nice.” JD was shocked at his own relief. He hadn’t even realized he cared so much about Veronica’s prom date.

Still, if Peter wanted encouragement, JD would happily give it. “Go for it. I don’t know Martha that well, but I’ve heard she’s a really good person.” He didn’t mention that she’d once had a huge crush on a guy JD murdered.

Apparently bolstered, Peter stood up and walked over to Martha’s table. JD couldn’t hear what was being said, but the smile that spread on Martha’s face could have lit the city. He smiled, happy for his friend. He noticed that Veronica was looking at him, so he gave her a little half smile and a wave. She smiled back at him.

JD returned to his book before he could do something embarrassing, like walk over there and ask her out. He knew that if he ever wanted to have her in his life at all, he had to let her make the first move.

He took off his jacket to walk home that day. Spring was finally beginning to touch Sherwood, Ohio, and it was nice to feel the sun on his arms. The house was empty; his dad was probably working on his newest project. JD went to his room, planning to spend the afternoon finishing _Winter’s Tale_. When he got there, he noticed that his window was slightly open, and he was sure he hadn’t left it that way.

There was a small, plastic dinosaur on his windowsill, sitting atop a folded piece of paper. He opened it up and smiled at the familiar handwriting.

 

_JD—_

_Can we talk?_

_Veronica_

He had never fixed the window lock she had broken. Of course she would be able to get into his room. He climbed out of his window and onto the tree between their houses. He went to her side of the trunk, and then sat down. He didn’t think they were at ‘climbing into each other’s bedrooms’ yet. _It’s just one note_ he kept telling himself, _it doesn’t mean anything._

He just sat in the tree, waiting for her to come out, playing with the dinosaur she had given him. A few minutes went by, and she came out to join him. He didn’t look at her when she sat down, afraid that one look into her eyes could send him spiraling back down into the dark hole he’d been clawing his way out of.

She didn’t seem to know what to say, so he decided to start for her. “Greetings and salutations.” He gave her a little smile.

She reciprocated, she was still devastatingly beautiful, but he found that looking at her didn’t inspire the manic spin of emotions he was expecting. Maybe he really had made progress. He sat there for a long time, and waited for her to speak.

“Look JD, I want to be your friend, but I need you to promise me something.” She wanted to be his friend. It was more than he had dared hope for.

“What do you want Veronica? I’ll owe you for the rest of my life for what you’ve done for me.”

“I want you to promise that you won’t expect me to fix you. I’ll be your friend, maybe eventually your girlfriend again, but not if I have to keep giving pieces of myself to fill in your holes. I won’t do that.” Her jaw was set and she looked so stubborn and sweet that he had to hold himself in check before his kissed her.

He was proud of her. He didn’t think the Veronica he’d met in September would have said that. He didn’t think the JD from September would have listened.

He did. “It isn’t your job to fix me. I’ve been trying to fix myself, but I’ve missed you, so honestly, I’d be honored if you’d let me be your friend.” He was pretty sure that he was still in love with her, but he didn’t think it was a love that would kill dinosaurs, or anyone else.

Hoping to give some kind of peace offering, he said, “wait here for one second, I have something for you.” He scrambled back into his room and grabbed the little trinket he’d bought two months ago. It had been an impulse buy, just because it reminded him of her, and he had saved it, hoping he could give it to her someday.

He went back to where she was sitting and handed her the little blue leather book. “I thought you might want a replacement, since the last one died in the explosion.”

She had a thoughtful smile on her face as she turned it over and over in her hands. “I never got a new one. I’ve missed writing in it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Veronica.”

“So, you’ve stopped trying to blow things up?” It was such a non sequitur that JD had to laugh.

“Yes, I have a good therapist. She’s helping me a lot. A couple days after I got out of the hospital we got a note from the school recommending that I be seen by a shrink.” He gave her a sidelong look.

She shrugged, “Fleming’s handwriting is easy.”

“I knew it!” He laughed.

“Yeah, but not because of the handwriting, which was perfect.” It was true, if he didn’t know exactly how talented she was, he would have believed that Fleming sent the note.

“I would have thought you’d want to be done with all that stuff. Forgery, I mean.” When talking about the two of them, ‘all that stuff’ could refer to an alarming number of things.

“The most severe thing I’ve forged in weeks was a doctors note so Heather Duke could get out of gym when she had cramps.” She seemed really happy about it.

“So you’re still friends with the Heathers?” He really wanted to know how that had happened.

“Yeah. McNamara isn’t much of a leader, but if she has a good person to follow, she’ll be a good person too. I try to be good. Duke is a little less sure about it. But she likes being popular, and I’m pretty high up there in terms of Westerburg hierarchy.” She played with the red scrunchie in her hair.

“Speaking of my friends, I’m really happy Martha has a date to the prom.”

He nodded, “Peter’s a good guy, and if she’s as great as you said she is, he’s lucky to get to go with her.” They lapsed into silence that was only slightly awkward.

He was the one to break it, “so, what about you?”

She seemed a little startled to be pulled out of her thoughts. “What?”

“Who are you going with? To prom, I mean.” He wasn’t sure that he really wanted to know the answer.

She sighed, “Well, there was this guy who asked me, but then he kind of blew… me off.” She looked at him sideways, as if checking to see if he got the joke.

He laughed, but he really wanted to ask her to get to the point. Waiting to find out how she felt about him now was killing him. JD had improved a lot over the past few months, but his patience hadn’t really increased that much.

“So, no one has asked you since then?” He said finally.

“No. I don’t think I would have said yes if someone had, though. Heather asked me why I wasn’t trying to get a date, and it took me forever to figure it out. But the truth is, even after everything, I was still picturing it with you.”

JD wanted to start crying, but he held it in. Extreme displays of emotion would only remind her of who he had been. He was very pleased that she still thought of him though, and that she didn’t hate him.

He took a deep breath and bit the bullet, “So, do you want to go with me?” He asked, hesitantly. “Just as friends, I mean.” He didn’t want her to feel obligated. “We could, you know, get dressed up, dance, try to sneak alcohol in. Be teenagers.” He didn’t know when he’d gotten so bad at talking, it used to be the thing he was best at.

He knew he didn’t deserve a second chance. He had already broken his promise to be a normal teenager. But back then, he hadn’t felt like a normal teenager, and now he did. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but he had asked for it anyway, and he would spend as much time as he had trying to earn it. He waited for her reply.

She gave him an appraising look, then her face opened into a smile, “I’d like that, JD.”

He beamed. Goethe had been right. “Nothing in this world makes us so necessary to others as the affection we have for them.”

 

_Dear Diary,_

_I finally spoke to JD again. He’s doing really well. The note I sent worked, so he’s gotten some help. His dad took a job in Columbus, so he’s really only around on weekends, but it means that he can stay in Sherwood until graduation. He told me that he’s applying for colleges. Apparently he wants to study architecture. When I asked why, he said, “I tried destroying things, and it didn’t work out. Now I’m going to try creating them.” He just seems so much calmer than he was. I’m going to prom with him. I know it seems crazy, after everything that went down with him, but I never really stopped thinking about him, and I want to give him a chance to prove that he’s really better now. He promised me once that we could stop being vigilantes and just be teenagers. He broke that promise in a major way. But now I think that’s all he really wants. So I’m going to help him try it, as long as he stays within the boundaries I’ve set. I won’t let him take over my life again. I should get going, Martha, Heather, Heather, and I are going shopping for prom dresses. They’ll be excited that I have a date, as long as he promises not to wear the coat!_

_Veronica_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was such a wild ride. I'm really super proud of it though and I hope it was worth sticking with me. I'm kind of vaguely thinking about a one-shot in this universe of the whole crew at prom, if that's something you want to see please let me know! I really loved reading all your feedback and I'm dying to hear what you think of the last couple chapters. My next project is going to be a modern AU from Veronica's perspective so stay tuned!


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